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7 Surefire Tips for Emergency Plan Failure

Following these simple tips will bring your planning to a bitter end!

Tip #1. Use a template that you found on the internet to write your plan. Just Google for a plan template then use the Find/Replace feature in your word processing application to place your community or organizations name in the appropriate spot. The results will be stunning! You'll have your plan(s) written in no time and they'll be completely dysfunctional. Beware! You might run into a problem when someone else reads the plan or you actually have to put it into action. Don't worry, the following tips are designed to prevent that from happening.

Tip #2. Put the completed plan in a three-ring binder. The next action is to take your generic template from another organization, print it, and place it in a three-ring binder. Slap a label on the binder spine and place it on a shelf! This tip is almost guaranteed to keep anyone from reading your pirated plan! Even better, you'll never have to worry about updates or answering questions on the plan. What a time saver!

Tip #3. Don't have the plan reviewed. Don't even tell anyone about it. The last thing you want is someone reading your plan once its finished, especially someone from outside your agency. To best ensure failure, keep the plan to yourself and quote from it only when absolutely necessary.

Tip #4. Write your plan based on the last crisis you encountered. Remember the last "big one"? Think about what you did during that crisis and build your plan from there. After all, you've always done it that way. Heck, the last "big one" is as bad as it will ever get. Above all, keep in mind that it can't happen here.

Tip #5. Spend fifteen minutes with your Hazard Vulnerability Analysis. Or ignore it completely. You Hazard Vulnerability Analysis will only add work to your plate by making you focus on realistic threats in your community. Why waste the time? If you follow tips 1-4, there is no need to spend time with the HVA.

Tip #6. Write the plan specifically for your organization. Remember, nothing outside of your boundaries needs to be planned for. And any crisis in a neighboring jurisdiction will in no way bother you.

Tip #7. Do not, under any circumstances, test your plan. Save time and build morale with this tip! Skip the realistic training scenario. Table the tabletop exercise. Instead, gather the troops and order pizza! Talk about the good 'ole days and slap each other on the back over what a good job we did at the last drill. Your meaningless template of a plan can remain safe in its binder. No muss, no fuss.

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